Granted, you could argue that I’m not a mother and I may fail to share the same sentiment. And you may be right; maybe one day I will become that type of mother (whom I think is delusional, may I add) but I do want to caveat that deep inside, I don’t think I’ll be genuine about that feeling because it’s illogical.
This post came after numerous incidents whereby people I know (including family members) have had/have beef with their mothers-in-law and they all typically narrow down to two simple reasons: (1) their MILs think their sons are oh-so-perfect; and (2) that the sons deserve much better.
My initial reaction is this: why did you even marry off your son(s) in the first place with the wrong mindset that these guys are perfect? It may be bitter to swallow but your sons are never perfect, similar with the way your daughters are not.
In modern days, wives now have to work too and it’s more common to have a dual-income households than the other way around. Bottomline isn’t about the wives really wanting a career, but most of the times, the income from the husband alone isn’t sufficient to support the family. So if your son isn’t even capable to bring enough money to the table, why do you think he’s perfect? He’s failed Requirement #1.
To an extent, I do believe religion is an important aspect in a marriage. So much so that I think it’s vital to marry someone who shares the same values as you – not necessarily same religion/beliefs – but they have to at least uphold the same values which you deem important. In Islam however, we see a lot of Muslim men who pick-and-choose in practicing the religion to the point that they’d pick a hadis to say hey, nafkah is just to provide you with 2 pieces of new clothings every year (lol) and then tell you that you’d have to contribute to pay the house’s bills because he’s in the red every month. Baffles me! So mothers, aren’t your sons pathetic to live off their wives’ money while riding on the religion card? Now your sons have failed Requirement #2 – the religion test.
As a mother, if you expect your daughter-in-law to clean the house, cook for your son, service him with sex every alternate days, greet you good morning and good night daily, does his laundry complete with folding and ironing and oh my god, this list goes on… please just pay RM18,000 to your nearest maid agency and get your son a Philippines maid. Or Indonesian. Whichever floats your boat, really.
As a fellow woman, it’s utterly disgraceful and embarrassing that these old mothers were once young girls like us. Sometimes I do want to give them the benefit of the doubt – maybe they were hurt along the way, maybe they’re sick in the head – I don’t know?? But your life compass has malfunctioned, aunties. Please get a new one.
Your son is not perfect.
Say thank you that someone actually CHOSE to give up their Single status on an official paper to start a new chapter with your son.